dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
