Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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