Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
