All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is my gift to your gina
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
