I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
