i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
