yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
