Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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