I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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