I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
