If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
