i don't like sucking hair
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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