How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
4 words: hood of his car
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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