Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
