im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
