Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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