Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
