and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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