saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
