apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
