Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
