Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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