I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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