My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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