i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
