are you still at the devil's house?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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