He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
