Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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