i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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