Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize