All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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