he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
