I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
