Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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