This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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