how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
