You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
