Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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