Jerry, you need to find god
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
