she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
