Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
