He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
