he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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