yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
