tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
