Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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