I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
