Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
