I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
