One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
