Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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