feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
