OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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