we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
