Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i out mim tonsoeep
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