I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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