when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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