she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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