i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
