Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
