I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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