i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
