I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
