We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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