Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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