My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She needs sedatives and a leash
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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