Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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