just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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