Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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