D3 body, D1 cock
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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