I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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