My friends, they love my intelligence
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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