Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The convent might be a nice break from real life
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize