He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just googled if crying burns calories
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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