my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
operation harelip BJ is a go
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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